Social Classes

Page Contents	The Introduction
	The Questionnaire
	The Post-Mortem

The Introduction

If I were an HTML tag, I would look like this:


			<lee class="working">
				Hello, this is my life.
			</lee>

You'd have to know about stylesheets to get the joke there. ;-) I was thinking maybe I should reassign my class to "middle" or even "upper"; but I'm not sure exactly how to go about it. So instead I have decided to create a small quiz, so that you can find out exactly which of the three classes you are yourself. Just keep a tally of your answers - A, B or C. Or print this questionnaire out and circle your answers like you would in a magazine. You did this kind of thing when you were a teenager, it will all come flooding back. At the end count up how many you have of each answer, then consult the Post-Mortem section at the bottom to find out which class you belong in. Clear? Good. Ready? I'll wait for a minute then. Still waiting. Ready now? Here we go then.

The Questionnaire

You would describe your home as:

a) a maze of hallways and bedrooms
b) enough for you and your family to live comfortably
c) noisy with all those planes flying overheard

Your home is big enough for you and:

a) the entire extended royal family
b) your immediate family
c) the family of mice who live in the cupboard

Your bed is:

a) four-poster
b) comfortable
c) uncomfortable

Your car of choice is:

a) a Bentley, driven by the chauffeur
b) a shiny estate
c) anything with all the wheels

Your job is:

a) easy because you tell the staff how to do things
b) mentally taxing
c) a liability to your health

Your most valued achievement in learning is:

a) finding out that it's not what you know, it's who you know that counts
b) your degree
c) knowing how to get discounted baked beans

When you want to make the most of a good meal, do you serve it with:

a) appetisers such as caviar
b) a decent quality wine
c) two slices of bread and margarine

Your favourite television programme is:

a) Who's Who
b) Newsnight
c) anything with tits in it

You would most likely be found hunting:

a) a fox with your hounds
b) the business section in The Guardian
c) a job

When you want to socialise, do you:

a) invite people to the manor
b) host a modest candelit dinner party
c) go down the pub

When someone tells you they're going to show you a good time, are they treating you to:

a) two weeks in the Bahamas
b) an evening at the theatre
c) a quickie in a public toilet

The Post-Mortem

How did you fare? Count up the number you had of each answer - A, B and C. Then find the paragraph that applies to you. Finally, go to my guestbook and add an entry telling the world about your particular questionnaire result.

Mostly 'A'

You posh nob! You are definitely an upper class citizen. You're probably looking at this on the PC in your bathroom, aren't you? You're sat on the throne, literally, and decided to fill in this questionnaire. Maybe just to pass the time - but more likely, you enjoy reaffirming your social status in your own mind. We can only speculate as to whether you have any idea what real life is like for most people, because you have probably never lived it. Have you read "An Inspector Calls" by J. B. Priestley? No, of course you haven't - you're far too busy arranging the next fashion show to take place in the vast reception area of your home. You make me sick.

Mostly 'B'

You are middle class - perhaps you have butter instead of margarine, or drink water from a bottle instead of the tap. Whatever the specifics of your lifestyle, with a little insight you could go places in this world. You probably have some genuine friends, and enough sense in that head of yours to know how much they mean. They mean connections; contacts; a leg up onto the ladder of life. You will probably find yourself getting married to some charmer you met in a restaurant or social club.

Mostly 'C'

You don't mind getting your hands dirty, do you! Well actually you do, but that's not going to help you. You are working class to the core, and that's where you belong. Don't be ashamed of it - at least you earn an honest living (unless you circled C for question 9, in which case you should be ashamed of yourself). It's people like you, and the machines who replaced so many of your kind in the 1980s, that make the world's industry what it is. Where would we be if everyone sat around long desks in board meetings, drinking weak tea and complimenting each other on their personal hygiene? No, we need you - and you can rest assured that when you work yourself to an early grave, you will be sorely missed by people who really cared about you. That's more important than money anyway, right?

Mostly 'D'

You didn't even fill it in, did you? You just skipped to the end to see what answers you should be trying to get. Pathetic. Go back and do it properly this time - you will soon realise why you were so easily rumbled.

Some 'A', Some 'C'

Now you really are an enigma. On one hand you like to live a high-flying lifestyle, but conversely you slum it for certain aspects of your life. Perhaps you are rich but are trying to be ironic for artistic effect, or in an attempt not to be alienated from real people. On the other hand, perhaps you were born working class, but try to convince the world (including yourself) that you are on a higher social plane. Or maybe you just lie in surveys.

One 'C', All The Rest 'A'

Yes, yes, I know - you're upper class but you still like to see tits on TV. We all know about your exclusive world of depraved and exquisite sexual experimentation, you know. If that's the way you want to live, fine. But don't complain when you get crabs, or when you have to explain to your private physiotherapist how that baked potato got in there in the first place.

Actually That Wasn't The Question I Answered 'C' For

For goodness sake, I can't cater for everyone personally in this general analysis of a select few questions. Just who do you think I am, anyway? You're gonna have to think for yourself on this one - after all, you know yourself better than I do. Life does not always come with a paragraph at the bottom to tell you what it all means, you know - think about the big picture. Sheesh...