| Page Contents | The Funny Stuff - Guaranteed!* |
|---|---|
| My Original Comedy Literature | |
| One Liners | |
| Reality-Based Humour |
Read this very carefully - I shall type it only once. First of all, what's with the name? Well originally this page was going to be called Humour. But then it occurred to me that in some countries (you know who you are, Americans and Canadians) the word is spelled without the letter U. So given that they probably comprise the major proportion of my visitors, perhaps I should change the spelling for them. Then again, that seemed unpatriotic, but more importantly it was giving way to the majority when it was not the way I personally do things. Either way it made the spelling an issue. You would never know whether to go to www.leevclarke.net/humor, or www.leevclarke.net/humour.
So then I thought about calling this page Funny - so you would have have www.leevclarke.net/funny. Now this seemed inappropriate for two reasons. Firstly, I may in the future wish to add content that is not necessarily intended to be funny in the fullest sense, but certainly would be light-hearted. Secondly, the content I do add to this page may not be funny to you as an individual. Ultimately, whether it is funny or not is subjective; I don't want to call the page Funny, only to receive emails of complaint that the contents of the page are not in fact as stated. And of course there is always the possibility of lawsuits to that effect (regarding these two reasons, please see the disclaimer below this paragraph).
So in this kind of situation, there is only one thing you can do: make up a word. That way you can give it any definition you wish, and you can't be sued for it (I have consulted my solicitor on this, so it's concrete - guaranteed*). If you still don't believe me, consider the tactics used by Maynard's in promoting their Wine Gums; Goody Goody Gums Gums, with the slogan "Goody For You". Now of course those little pellets (being composed primarily of sugar and gelatine) and not good for you. But then Maynard's never said they were. Think about it. Are we all quite clear now where we stand on this? Good.
I am such a fan of the animated comedy series "Dr. Katz - Professional Therapist" that I have written my own fantasy script, in which I am the client (I say "fiction", but you know what they say about words spoken in jest). The drafts of the first two episodes are available for you to see here. Fans of the series will find it easiest to visualise the scenes (not that they take much visualising), others will just have to use their imaginations. ;-) Please remember that I retain copyrights on all original material on this site.
These are comedy stores I wrote about the teachers at my old primary school. Unfortunately these cannot be published publicly as they use all real names, and there is a lot of material that might be interpreted as defamation of character, libel, etc. etc. So you will just have to take my word for it that if you could read these stories, you would almost certainly laugh. A lot. But you can't, so you won't.
I don't have the know-how to make this an interactive webpage where you just tick radio-boxes, click Submit and wait for the computer to give you your rating. You will just have to do this the old-fashioned way. You know the kind of thing this is, they have them in magazines. Just go through the ten questions, selecting answer A, B or C depending on which one best applies to you. Then count up how many you have of each, and look up your rating at the bottom. This will tell you which social class you fall into. Of course this is only a bit of fun (you do remember what page you're reading, don't you?) so don't take it too seriously.
And of course there are countless examples from Murray Walker and George Duh-buh-yuh Bush. Although there is plenty of hilarious material documented on both those individuals, I shall not list any here because it is easily obtainable elsewhere. There is a place for a gross lack of originality, but that place is not this webpage; it is the Green Room for the script-writers of Neighbours.